If You Love Somebody...

The Original Version:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was.

The New Versions:

Pessimist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.

Optimist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she doesn't come back within some time limit, forget her.

Patient:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back.

Playful:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!

Lawyers:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that.

Bill Gates:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

Schwarzenegger's Fan:
If you love somebody,
Set her free.
SHE'LL BE BACK!

Overly Possessive:
If you love somebody
don't Set her free.

HR Specialist:
If you love somebody
Set her free.
By offering her VRS and other benefits, then outsource her.

Psychologist:
If you love somebody
Set her free.
If she comes back, her super ego is dominant;
If she doesn't come back, her id is supreme;
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Somnambulist:
If you love somebody
Set her free.
If she comes back, it's a nightmare;
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

Finance Expert:
If you love somebody
Set her free.
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans;
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Expert:
If you love somebody
Set her free.
If she comes back, she has brand loyalty;
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.