Marriage Before & After

Before: You take my breath away.
After: I feel like I'm suffocating.

Before: Twice a night.
After: Twice a month.

Before: She says she loves the way I take control of a situation.
After: She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.

Before: Lucy and Ricky.
After: Fred and Ethel.

Before: Saturday Night Fever.
After: Monday Night Football.

Before: Don't stop.
After: Don't start.

Before: Is that all your having?
After: Maybe you should have just a salad, honey.

Before: It's like I'm living in a dream.
After: It's like he lives in a dorm.

Before: $60/doz.
After: $1.50/stem

Before: Turbo charged
After: Jump start

Before: We agree on everything
After: Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

Before: Victoria's Secret
After: Fruit of the Loom

Before: Charming and Noble
After: Chernobyl

Before: Feathers and handcuffs
After: Ball and chain

Before: Idol
After: Idle

Before: I love a woman with curves
After: I never said you were fat

Before: He's completely lost without me.
After: Why won't he ever ask for directions?

Before: Time stood still.
After: This relationship is going nowhere.

Before: Croissant and cappuccino
After: Toast and instant

Before: You look so seductive in black.
After: Your clothes are so depressing.

Before: Oysters
After: Fish sticks

Before: I've never met anyone like you.
After: I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.

Before: Passion
After: Ration

Before: Once upon a time
After: The end