- 43.3% of statistics are meaningless!
- 5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.
- A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
- A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
- A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago....
- All generalisations are false.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness.
- An oral contract isn't worth the paper its written on.
- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
- Another dopeless hope fiend.
- As far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question.
- Assassins do it from behind.
- Avoid Alliteration... Always.
- Avoid cliches like the plague.
- Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
- Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.
- Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
- Death to all fanatics!
- Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
- Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
- Don't be redundant by repeating yourself.
- Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
- Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
- Entropy isn't what it used to be.
- Eschew obfuscation.
- Evil is not all bad.
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
- For a REAL sponge cake, BORROW all the ingredients.
- Free advice is worth what you paid for it.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever?
- He doesn't have much of a reputation or so I've heard.
- Help stamp out, delete, and eradicate unnecessary, superfluous redundancy.
- Help wanted telepathy: you know where to apply.
- How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
- I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
- I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.
- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
- I always wanted to be a procrastinator!
- I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.
- I disagree with unanimity.
- I have a twin brother; he's identical, but I'm not.
- I have my doubts about disbelief.
- I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.
- I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I am not sure if I believe it.
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- I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
- I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
- I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.
- I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
- If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
- If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.
- If: a two letter word for futility.
- Impotence: Nature's way of saying - "No hard feelings"
- Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?
- Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.
- Life is full of uncertainties...or I could be wrong about that?
- Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
- My identity lies in not knowing who I am.
- My karma ran over your dogma.
- No sense being pessimistic.It wouldn't work anyway.
- Nonconformists are all alike.
- On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- One good turn gets all the blankets.
- One should never generalise.
- Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.
- Prejudiced people are all alike.
- Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
- Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons.
- Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
- Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface.
- So, what IF there were no hypothetical questions? hypothetically...
- The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
- The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are.
- The world's full of apathy, but I don't care.
- There's no such thing as nonexistence.
- Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
- We do precision guesswork (Census Bureau official motto)
- What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
- What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
One-Liners (Word Play)
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