Kids & School: October 2006 Archives

A rich Texan walked into the offices of the president of a small Texas college and said, "I'd like to donate a million dollars tax free to this institution, but there's a condition. I would like to have an honourary degree."

The president nodded agreeably, "That's not a problem. We can certainly arrange that!"

The rich man said, "An honourary degree for my horse."

"For your horse?"

"Yep, you betcha. She carried me for many years and I owe her a lot. I'd like her to receive a Tr.D., a Doctor of Transportation."

"But . . . we can't give a degree to a horse!"

"Then I'm afraid I'll have to take my million dollars to another educational institution."

"Well, wait a minute," said the president, seeing the million slip through his fingers, "Let me consult with the school's trustees."

A hurried trustee meeting was brought to order and the president related the deal and the condition. All of the board reacted with shock and disbelief - except the oldest trustee. He appeared almost asleep. One trustee snorted, "We can't give a horse an honourary degree - no matter how much money is involved."

The oldest trustee opened his eyes and said, "Take the money and give the horse the degree."

The president asked, "Don't you think that would be a disgrace to us?"

"Of course not, " the wise old trustee said. "It would be an honour. It'd be the first time we ever gave a degree to an entire horse."

10. To be able to eat a whole candy bar by herself, and drink glass of Coke without any "floaters"

9. To have my 14 year old answer a question without rolling her eyes in that "Why is this person my mother?" way.

8. Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty.

7. A shower, without a child peeking through the curtain with a "Hiya, Mom" just as I put razor to my ankle.

6. A full-time cleaning person, who looks like Brad Pitt.

5. For my teenager to announce, "Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!"

4. A grocery store that doesn't have candy/gum/cheap toys displayed at the checkout line.

3. To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.

2. To be able to sit down on a plane with my toddlers and not have someone moan, "Ohhh, nooo! Why me?"

1. Four words: Fisher Price Play Prison.